Fenchurch,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been approved for an upgrade to the Bovine Milk Processing Unit Mark 2. Your milk production has met the standards required for consideration.
Management is impressed with the nutritional content of your product. We commend you for maintaining a positive attitude and following our admittedly unusual but necessary regulations. Your cooperation has had a direct influence over the high quality of your yield.
As a Mark 2 Bovine Unit, you will be responsible for producing twice your present level of milk. The M-2 unit is equipped with subdermal implants that automatically stimulate your remaining human components with a higher dose of hormones to achieve this ambitious quota.
The milk storage tank in the M-2 unit is capable of holding 5 gallons, 1.5 gallons more than the maximum recommended load of your existing M-1 unit.
Please be advised that 5 gallons is quite the burden. Your carbon fiber-reinforced skeleton will unfortunately not be enough to carry the load. Our team of engineers has devised a state-of-the-art fully mechanical bipedal locomotion attachment that will be more than enough to do the job. It interfaces directly with your central nervous system for total control and utilizes a series of hydraulic gyros that provide a range of motion close to 80% of the hind legs of a real bovine.
Because this attachment is fully mechanical, there is no need--and in fact, no room--for your existing semi-organic components. The transfer process will involve surgically removing your lower extremities to facilitate the attachment of the mechanized locomotive system. Your original parts will be placed in the same closely monitored cryogenic facility that currently houses the other components we have previously removed. As per the terms in our contract, they will be restored to you upon reintegration with humanity at the end of your designated service period, which will occur in 3 years, 2 months.
The mechanical bipedal locomotion attachment is fully compatible with our upgraded milking chambers, which utilize new interlocking brackets that will keep the M-2 unit firmly locked in place during the milking process. This should drastically reduce the disorienting effects from rapid drainage and eliminate the possibility of a fall while in the chamber.
Be aware that the higher amount of hormones in your system and greater milk output will have certain biological and psychological effects that you must adjust to. You may find yourself more lethargic during the day and sleep for longer periods of time. Be assured that our staff will always be available to assist you.
As you may have already deduced, greater milk production requires more frequent milking sessions. You will be required to report for twice the amount of milking sessions per day. This means that you will only be allowed outside of the facility for a maximum of two hours in the morning and three hours in the afternoon. Please be mindful of your milking schedule and remain in close proximity to the facility during your free roaming time.
Outlined below are summary additional behavioral regulations that take effect immediately for all bovine units:
- Bovine units are now restricted to hairstyles no longer than 1 foot (0.3 meters). This is a new safety measure in light of recent incidents where several units caught their hair on facility equipment. We are pleased to report there was no permanent damage to any property. We appreciate your cooperation in this matter, for your safety and the safety of our equipment.
- Bovine units with hairlike tail tufts must have them replaced with the current model of I/O bus tail plug. This is in response to the safety issue outlined in the previous paragraph. The I/O bus tail plug contains USB 4.0 support and a better insulated power adapter. This is essential for units of Mark 2 and above, as the bipedal locomotion attachment consumes a higher voltage than components in the Mark 1. In Mark 2 units and above, the tail can be retracted into the posterior of the unit for convenience and greater safety when in motion.
- At least once per month, a bovine unit leaves the facility without authorization. While all units have been returned in close to optimal working order, management has decided to implement measures to prevent such incidents from occurring. Bovine units will receive an upgrade to their epidermal rubber covering that is designed to limit fine motor functions in the digital extremities. Units will have the epidermis of their dominant hand reconfigured to cover all digits save the thumb in one fully-encased pocket. On the non-dominant hand, units will receive a non-removable hoof-shaped attachment. This will serve as a unit's passkey to parts of the facility to which they have access. Each hoof is individualized by a unique micro-inscribed pattern similar in function to a fingerprint. Now that all doors within the facility are automated, units can open them simply by inserting their hoof attachment into the identity reader located on the wall beside each door. Management is aware that many units prefer the use of their existing digits, however we are committed to making your experience in our facility perfectly comfortable in coordination with the new restrictions. We are confident that in time, you will find no significant need to possess multiple independent digits.
- As a final layer of security, bovine units equipped with a mechanical bipedal locomotion attachment will find their legs will stop functioning, or rather "lock up" if they move beyond facility grounds outside of authorized hours. A collection team will be automatically alerted and dispatched to return the unit to facility grounds and "unlock" the locomotion attachment. Please make sure you return to the facility promptly before the end of your authorized leave time to prevent unnecessary work for our unit collection team.
We are also legally required to inform you that, while your tank is at peak capacity, while you are being milked, and for a short time after being milked, you may experience disorientation, including hallucinations or daydreams. Observation of our beta test subjects revealed that while in this state, a Mark 2 unit is more susceptible to suggestion and could subconsciously act out bovine behavior such as snorting or mooing. These effects are completely harmless and temporary. Should you exhibit these or similar symptoms, our staff will be on hand to assist you and ensure your safety. Please note that it is unlawful for us to present you with legally binding agreements during periods when you are displaying these symptoms. Should it be proven that you gave consent to any agreement while displaying these symptoms, the agreement will be considered null and void.
Enclosed you will find a computer generated image showing a theoretical rendering of the Bovine Unit Mark 2 we will prepare for you. Please reply to this correspondence with your decision no later than fourteen days past the date of this notice.
Thank you,
The GenetiFarm Bovine Unit Management Team
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